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| Wednesday, July 21st, 2010 | | 11:59 am |
On science, the "Mysteries", the whims of the Universe, and being a recovering Pagan
So, it's been a year since I made the decision to pursue the Book the First project. So far I have done very little actual research, save from some networking amongst the Francophone Pagans and a tour of the Francophone esoteric bookstores in Montreal with my great-aunt last March (was it March? It was a while ago). I've kept tabs on people I intend to interwiew, and have made others aware of my interest. This is a good thing, however since I made these announcements I have yet to deliver on the fieldwork and data-gathering. This is not to say that I have been lazy about it, which is probably a contributing factor, or that I have been so caught up in the ephemera of my own life that I have not made the time to pursue this project further (which is probably also partially true). I think my main issue with getting this project done and over with is that I get royally stuck when it comes to actually getting involved in the activities of the Francophone groups and individuals I wish to study. My problem is that I have no desire to become involved in any group in which I need to give my intellect the suspension of disbelief. I can't turn off my left-brain, ever. I have never succesfully meditated, and all my trance/extraordinary experiences have been involuntary. I have had contact with the Pagan subultures in Montreal and Ottawa for the last thirteen years, and have been involved in these communities for some ten years. I already have an entry amongst the Anglophones. I have no desire to repeat this process with the Francophones, which, according to my great-aunt, might require a few years of intense study and apprenticeship, since the Francophone ritualists are far more hermetic and ceremonial than their Anglophone counterparts. She told me that gaining entry amongst the Francophone Pagans would require my joining a ceremonial group (like the co-Masons) in order to be recognized as one who is an initiate in the Craft. Until that happens, she told me, no self-respecting practitioner would ever tell me anything useful or meaningful, and even the bookstore owners who are in the know would not refer me to any publications that might further my pursuit of information (which I think is very very silly. I mean, they're publications! They are LITERALLY out there for people to consume, for crying out loud!). My great-aunt also told me that it is inappropriate to apply the scientific method to studying Paganism among Francophones, since from their perspective the Mysteries are to be hidden from outsiders, unlike science which is there for the world to see, where the only limits to understanding involve the power of one's intellect. Another objection to pursuing entry into the Francophone Pagan community is the fact that I intend for this project to be my swan song, my curtain call if you will, in all things related to the anthropology of contemporary Paganism. I don't want to be starting anything, I want to finish what I started some thirteen years ago. A month ago I learned that the next Gaia Gathering conference will be held in Montreal on Victoria Day weekend. As empirical proof that the Universe is screwing with me, the theme will be language and liturgy, which corresponds exactly with my area of study, namely the salient differences between Anglophone and Francophone Pagans in Montreal. I offered up my help to organise the academic panel, but have received no response from the organizers in this regard. I interpreted this as a sign that I should probably scrap my extended field research and simply use the data I already gathered in The Epic Thesis of Doom and fluff it up as pablum for the masses, especially since Book the first will not be written for an academic audience. Just as I had made the decision to scale down my field research, I get an invite on Facebook for the Gaia Gathering Open Meeting next month. I accepted the invite, if only to gauge what people and resources will be available to me in the next nine months as I draw this project to its end. This should be interesting. Never a dull moment? | | Saturday, January 16th, 2010 | | 8:10 pm |
R.I.P. RCMP Supt. Douglas E. Coates
Doug had been the acting commissioner of the UN mission in Haiti, and had been missing and feared dead since the earthquake, until his body was found under the rubble today. Doug was at the head of the Integrated Proceeds of Crime unit back when I worked at the "C" Division Headquarters in Westmount, and years later he worked on the same floor as I did as part of the International Peacekeeping unit while I worked at CPIC in Ottawa. He was a good man. He was one of the few who tried to help me when my RCMP application got rejected under suspicious circumstances, and for that I will always be grateful. My heart goes out to his family. Farewell, Doug. Current Mood: mournful | | Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 | | 10:06 am |
| | Thursday, August 6th, 2009 | | 1:09 pm |
| | Monday, July 20th, 2009 | | 10:41 pm |
Bad science, bad religion
The following link leads to an interesting article about the pervasiveness of questionable methodology and motives in the study of differences between men and women among sociologists, psychologists and other interested parties. http://bitchmagazine.org/article/mad-scienceWhy am I posting this? Well, as many of you know, I often rant, perhaps ad nauseam, about how Paganism reinforces gender stereotypes with claims that these are based on the natural order of things. This being so, the theory goes that since gender differences are natural, and Paganism is a nature religion, then gender stereotyping becomes religiously sanctioned. I exaggerate for effect, but not by much. Discuss. | | Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 | | 4:42 pm |
| | Monday, July 6th, 2009 | | 1:09 pm |
My new awesome superpower
In recent weeks, I, who used to despise shopping with a passion, have found myself forced to buy new clothes because my New-Yearly-Cycle-Beginning-at-Samhain resolutions of reaching my goal weight have almost entirely come to pass. Since last November, I've been going to the gym several hours a week, in addition to my daily regime of walking to and from work (from my appartment to Place-Ville-Marie and back... you do the math) with the desired results of losing enough inches off my waist, thighs and buttocks to warrant buying a whole bunch of new clothes to fit my new streamlined figure. But you see, there is a downside to this: clothes are expensive, especially the kind of clothes that are allowed at my office. This is why I have adapted a new mutant superpower I never thought I would ever need. In recent weeks, I have discovered an uncanny ability to find unbelievable sales in the most unexpected places. The latest evidence in favour of evolution and adaptation is my aqcuisition of several (8-12) pieces of clothing from the San Francisco store at Place Montreal Trust (it was a closing sale) for less than $100.00, and today's purchase of a lovely, medium-size one-piece bathing suit at Old Navy for the un-freaking-believable price of $14.66 (with taxes). Although the label made no such claim, I believe this bathing suit is guaranteed to not make me have to sign up to a sex offender registry for accidentally exposing myself, if even partially, at the local pool. (See my previous LJ entry for a detailed account of another wardrobe-related misadventure). Who knew that I would ever acquire a superpower that is actually uselful? This newfound ability will once again come in handy in the near future, because lately the same panicky feeling I got at the pool last weekend has returned to warn me that I will need new underwear very soon. Superpower activate! Current Mood:  bouncy | | Sunday, July 5th, 2009 | | 11:55 am |
A funny thing happened at the pool yesterday...
I definitely need a new bathing suit. You know how the one true way to measure weight loss is to try on clothes you haven't worn in a while, and see how they fit (or don't fit, in this case)? Well, the good news is, I got irrefutable confirmation that I lost a lot of thigh and belly fat when the bottom part of the two-piece bathing suit Rayne gave me a few years ago rolled partway off my butt as I was climbing out of the pool ladder at the YMCA yesterday. The bad news is, if don't acquire new swimwear that fits my new size ASAP, I might get a scolding from the management at the Westmount YMCA for involuntary indecent exposure (there were children present when this wardrobe malfunction happened). Luckily, all the lifeguards, parents and other adults present were too preoccupied with their own workout and/or with keeping an eye on the children/potential drowning victims to notice anything that had gone horribly wrong (or, since this happened at the Westmount Y, there were perhaps too polite to say anything). Next time, I might not be so lucky. Rayne, do you want your old bathing suit back? | | Tuesday, June 30th, 2009 | | 9:49 pm |
My brilliant career so far
Last week I finally got paid for my literary work. I got US$50 for a 2000-word article about my coming "Out of the Broom Closet". It was for Arin's anthology with that exact same title. I wrote it under a pseudonym. That pseudonym is my LJ username. While part of me thinks that this is a good start, the dominant, left-brained, thirty-year-old frustrated academic part of me finds this state of affairs rather sad, especially since I stopped self-identifying as a Pagan shortly before I wrote this piece. In this article I wrote about how I came to self-identify as Pagan in my teenage years without ever feeling that I needed to hide in the proverbial broom closet. That was the honest-to-goodness truth, until a few months ago. Perhaps I should write about finding the closet as a follow-up piece to that, if only because some people are skeptical about my new-found agnosticism. Do agnostics need to hide their doubt as much as Pagans feel they need to hide their conviction? Food for thought. Good night. | | Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 | | 3:40 pm |
Reading up on Quebec History on Saint-Jean-Baptiste
The research effort for Book the First is well under way. A few weeks ago, my dad me loaned all five volumes of L'Histoire populaire du Quebec, which I am hoping he's not expecting to get back any time soon since each book is about 400+ pages with few illustrations. Why am I reading such a monstrously large compilation on the history of my home province, you ask? This is in response to Lucie's shocking -- shocking! -- claim that my knowledge of Quebec history is limited to my own secular post-Quiet Revolution upbringing, and that my grasp on French-Canadian religious history as a whole is, well, provincial. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I show her the pile of books I'm reading up in answer to her tacit challenge. I know, that is very immodest of me. In my own defense, one of my New Year's resolutions was to work at ridding myself of my dreaded reverse hubris, so there you go. Also, this will definitely come in handy when I will have to write about the unique socio-religious historical processes at work in the formation of modern-day Quebec culture, and how these have delayed -- and in the near future will probably foster -- the spread of Paganism in a mostly francophone province. My book will blow your mind. Yes, I admit it, I can't help being a geek. There are some habits that will never leave me, even though I've left academe screaming for the nearest exit and have sulked in my tree-house until a few weeks ago. I still believe in conducting proper research so that I can tell anyone who challenges the accuracy and relevance of my work to go play in some traffic. Ah, moxie. Where have you been all these years? I've missed you so very much. In other news, I will most likely be going to Kaleidoscope Gathering this year, even though I swore (again!) never to set foot on a Pagan campground after I left KG in a hurry last year. Invokation wants to go this year (go figure), and we'll likely be making an overnight trip to play with the happy vacationing Pagans. I'll bring a book. Probably one of the aforementioned volumes of L'Histoire populaire du Quebec. Hopefully by then I'll be at number two or three. I probably won't be conducting field research this time, unless the elusive francophone Pagans find me and request to be interviewed so that they can be featured in my book. Hey, stranger things have happened to me. Hanging out with Pagans and studying them relentlessly for ten years does that. Speaking of hanging out with Pagans, I would like to clarify that although I don't consider myself Pagan anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends with the Pagans I care about. I like having Pagan friends, and not just because they literally worship the ground I tread upon. I just find that after thirteen-odd years of limping along the Pagan path, I've had to take a look at myself and admit that I'm very bad at being a Pagan. How can there be such a thing as a bad Pagan, short of abstaining from recycling? Let me count some of the ways. At my first clothing-optional Pagan festival, I managed to get a really nasty sunburn... on my face. That's right, though I exposed body parts that the sun never touches, I managed to get the sunburn equivalent of a chemical peel to my face. And I got the tourista from swimming in the river all weekend instead of just hanging out, because I can't do Pagan festival hedonism. I need to have something to do, otherwise I start tweaking. I can't help it. I must be wired that way. It's not like it's a switch I can turn on or off. Another recent development is that I've accepted that agnoticism (literally, "not knowing" or "not having knowledge") is the proper response to that which has an uncertain outcome. I believe in individual agency, but I'm not sure I believe in mytho-poetic meaning-making or magic as ways to manifest Will anymore. Maybe I need to redefine magic and meaning in the language of quantum physics, that is, as pure directed potentiality. I need to think about this some more. At least the gears in my head are turning again, and I'm taking ownership of the fruit of my insights and intellectual work. I've missed that feeling so very much. I could get used to this. Happy Saint-Jean-Baptiste day, everyone! | | Friday, June 5th, 2009 | | 4:02 pm |
| | Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 | | 10:30 pm |
| | Sunday, March 15th, 2009 | | 2:49 pm |
What is the world coming to?
The Melange Magique is now decorated with Saint Patrick's Day decorations. Dear Gods, what the fuck is wrong with this picture? | | Sunday, January 25th, 2009 | | 4:57 pm |
Unfinished business, and what I'm doing about it
I have finally made up my mind about where to go from here with regards to the final draft of my thesis. The thing is, although the thesis is absolutely final, and I've graduated from the University of Ottawa last October (THANK GODS!!!! Never again the U of O!!!!), the project I set out to do in 2002 is not finished. Not by a long shot. I was reminded this weekend, with a little help from my friends (Invokation, Kallisti and Rayne) that the only reason I uprooted myself to the National Capital Region in 2003 in the first place was to publish a book. That's right, it was never about getting my degree. In hindsight, I could definitely have done without my absolutely atrocious experience at the University of Ottawa, but at the time I was under the assumption that the chances of getting published with an academic press were slim to nil at the undergraduate level (even though I did just that in 2001 when I got my article on gender and Wicca/Paganism published while I was in my last year at Concordia. Go figure). Since my move to Ottawa/Gatineau, I indeed got more than I bargained for, in addition to my second published article, but I failed to produce a book. Now that I'm back in Montreal, I feel that I can safely finish the job. The book will most likely not be published as an academic text. I want a wider audience, and frankly, I'm done with academe and anything associated with it. This means I will have to restructure my data and rewrite the thesis so it can become more accessible, but with the additional challenge of not dumbing it down. The epic saga continues. Current Mood:  sore | | Saturday, October 4th, 2008 | | 6:28 pm |
Religulous
It's been a very long time since I enjoyed a movie this much, in the sense that I laughed out loud in the theater throughout most of the film. I won't give away any spoilers, but Bill Maher is freaking brilliant. He almost made an unbeliever out of me. The movie is that good. But don't take these words on faith alone, go see it for yourselves. And discuss. Current Mood:  giddy | | Thursday, September 25th, 2008 | | 9:29 pm |
Update on the Website(s)
As it turns out, my online research legacy will not get obliterated from the Internet just yet. Invokation has set up a distinct website for Mireille Gagnon's research, which can be accessed at the following url: http://www.mgagnon.arcanacreations.com/index.htmlThis means that my sympatico-based web page remains, at least for now. So all you Quebecois Pagans out there: on your marks, get set, fill out the survey questionnaire on Mireille's web page! | | Saturday, July 19th, 2008 | | 11:58 pm |
The things you find out while doing revisions
Did anyone else know about this? Two of Starhawk's books (Dreaming the Dark and Webs of Power) have been translated into French! I'm actually GLAD I'm doing revisions because I found out about this, like, earlier this week. Proves I don't know everything yet. Someone beat me to it. In France (presumably), no less. Damn... Wow. | | Sunday, July 6th, 2008 | | 10:29 am |
| | Sunday, June 22nd, 2008 | | 12:32 pm |
Do I have to reclaim the word "humanist"?
The other day I had an interesting conversation with Invokation about whether I should pursue my long-lived, on-again-off-again book project about "Sex, gods and gender roles" from a Pagan perspective. I was pondering whether I should write it as an intelligent work of polemics aimed at a popular audience, as my Graduate school experience at the University of Ottawa have long since caused me to abandon academe for good (after I get my degree, which should happen eventually... I think). Basically, the project would be an exploration of how Pagan belief structures conceptualize and frame the constructs of sex, sexuality and gender, with an additional recapitulation of my frequent litany about how most of these belief structures -- including Goddess Spirituality, especially Goddess spirituality -- essentialize gender in ways that are all but liberating and conducive to the evolution of human consciousness. This is especially the case when considering how men are vilified in many Pagan circles. As I was pondering this, Invokation reminded me of the importance of such a project at this time. This turn of the conversation caused me to heave a weary sigh, followed by the usual lament of "why do I have to be the one writing this stuff? Why does it have to be me? Have I not done enough?".(For those among you who don't already know this, six years ago I had a scholarly article of mine on the subject at hand published in an academic textbook compilation). According to Invokation, I needed to do a lot more. I then mentioned to him that if I were to pursue this project, I would encounter much resentment from the Feminist spirituality camp within Paganism. I told him that I thought this was most unfortunate and unnecessary, since feminism was originally about gender equality in the sense that women ought to be recognized as persons in the eyes of the law and their fellow human beings. I always believed that feminism ought to be about recognizing the humanity and dignity of all human beings, regardless of the placement of their reproductive organs, and that one's living conditions and treatment by others should not be determined by such an accident of nature as biological sex. Invokation then told me that according to most of the feminists he knew (the majority of whom are Pagans of some sort), my beliefs about what feminism is about (or what it ought to be about) makes me something other than a feminist. This irritated me quite a bit, because I knew that he had hit a sore point and that he was partially right about how others perceive me. Don't get me wrong, I know for a fact that I am a feminist. My belief that women are persons in their own right, independently of their associations with men, makes me a feminist by the standards of First Wave feminism. Also, my belief that women ought not to have their life choices limited by their socially-assigned gender and their sexual orientation makes me a feminist by the standards of Second Wave and Third Wave feminism. However, as Invokation pointed out so bluntly, my belief that gender constructs, especially when applied to the realm of religion and spirituality, are limiting to the freedom of consciousness that makes us truly human, makes me something other than a feminist, at least in the Pagan circles I have frequented in the last ten years. Although most people I know in mundane circles perceive me as a radical feminist, many of my female Pagan friends and acquaintances see me as non-feminist for reasons I find absolutely ridiculous. As an example, because I value rationality, logic, and the scientific method (taken with a hermeneutics of suspicion, that most cherished of feminist constructs), a friend of mine said on more than one occasion that I was "male-identified". Furthermore, my abhorrence of the Maiden-Mother-Crone triad so prevalent in most modern Witchcraft traditions (Wiccan and Wiccan-derived) as well as Feminist Witchcraft has caused some of my female Pagan friends to judge me as either too "young" and "privileged" to fully comprehend the importance of the sacralisation of women's life cycle events in this day and age. With respect to Goddess spirituality enthusiasts, I must disagree. I am neither too young nor too privileged (what the hell does that mean, anyway?) to understand institutionalized sexism. What many of my Pagan friends tend to forget is that although I was born in 1979, I was raised by a Portuguese immigrant mother who truly believes in the inferiority of the female sex, and tried her damnedest (bless her misguided heart) to turn me into a "good little girl". I am a great disappointment to my mother because I have no interest in being a trophy wife, nor do I gauge my own self-worth through having trophy children. In fact, I have no interest in having children whatsoever, which is one of the reasons why I find that the Pagan Maiden-Mother-Crone triad is just as demeaning to women as the view of female gender roles promoted by more traditional belief structures (which are alive and well in this modern world, as I know full well and from first-hand experiences). Even in their exalted state, the model of womanhood promoted by this triad limits women to the stages in their reproductive life cycles. This is offensive to me personally, and I'm certain I'm not the only Pagan woman who feels this way. The puzzling disconnect between my own self-identification as a feminist and a Pagan, and how other Pagans perceive me, has been the primary raison d'etre behind my interest in pursuing the "Sex, gods and gender roles" project to its logical end since I first began toying with the idea of this project ten years ago. If I cannot be a feminist according to Pagan standards, then perhaps I will have to reclaim the word "humanist" from its agnostic and atheistic roots. I welcome any comments and/or disagreements to this tirade, as long as they are presented in a respectful manner. | | Saturday, June 14th, 2008 | | 12:26 pm |
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